Who is this person.....

Okay, who is this person living in my body and what have they done with me? I cannot for the life of me get this guy off my mind. Not in high school anymore and this confidence thing everyone keeps talking about, yeah you can only act so much. The one thing I am confident in is that I will survive if he doesn't write back (it's been four days). The last email I sent him was four days ago and I made a joke about meeting other guys - we've known each other since high school. Maybe he has forgotten my sense of humor - maybe he never really knew my sense of humor. Anyway, every part of me wants to jump on an email and tell him I was joking, the other part says maybe what I said completely turned him off and that's that. So, dilemma! Man, I should have stayed married - married life is hard but at least to a degree you have someone there with you (there are exceptions). I despise feeling this way and wish I could turn my mind off, especially at work, and home, and the grocery store, and school, and when I'm asleep - aren't there pills for people like me? I'm making light of this, but it is truly bothering me. I don't like giving him the control and I have told myself a thousand times that I have to regain control - I have to let him be and I will move on. He is not the only fish out there - but he is the only fish I think about. Matt Damon, if you had only come into my life, and married me - we could have had ten kids my life wouldn't be crazy right now. Stupid Sarah Silveman got to him first - heh. Okay my promise today is not to email him - just for today. Tomorrow I will think about it...