Hello to my future...

Things as usual in my life are pretty crazy. I love my new job, it is challenging and amazing at the same time. I am seeing a guy who is a little younger than me, not usually a craddle robber but he is nice. I am having a Halloween party at my house with people from work - should be a blast. Boxing is going pretty good, though this week I had a spot removed from my palm and it hurt like a ^&%^$%^#$.....well it hurt. So I have not gone this week yet. But I will be there tomorrow just for the workout. No boxing gloves for a couple of weeks; I can still walk and do crunches.

Still on track for trying to get pregnant soon. And by soon I mean early next year. These days it's really hard not to wish I was younger for so many reasons. The guy I'm seeing, the baby, my health, these things happening to my body that shouldn't be....ugh. Gravity sucks!

But I'm out for tonight.

This week focus on helping those who can't help themselves. And that includes animals.

Fay Fay - oh what craziness you bring

Blogging in the safety of my home while outside Fay is dropping tons of rain and whipping trees around like they are wet noodles. It is amazing, a little scarey and lonely - weather like this should be for couples. oh la la...

So, I have made the top 20 with my script in the BlueCat Competition. HOLY SCHINIKEES!!!! Saying a little prayer...

And now for the juicey stuff. Ugh - men. What the heck is up with me and men? I've had two great relationships in my 38 years - one lasted a year and one lasted six years. That's a lot of single years. So, here's my graduation plan. I'm taking boxing lessons. Uh huh - boxing. Have to take out that frustration on something. Besides sweating is good for one's skin.

Off to - do something....

Have fun in life - don't take yourself so seriously...

My no title Blog

It's Wednesday, I just got out of cisco class and I'm too pooped to think about a good title for this blog. I have two more weeks of school and two more days before I start my new job.

Still mourning Teddy, he was such a good kitty. So beautiful, elegant, graceful, playful - he is so missed!

I made the semi-finals for my script in the Bluecat competition - this could be a great break. But if I don't win I will keep trying...

I just keep on trucking...

My roller coaster week....

This week has been full of highs and lows gallore! Tuesday morning one of my rescue cats died. Not sure of the cause but he was such a sweetie! We called him Teddy, cuz he was just such a teddy bear. Even at only a year and a hal old he was a quite a big cat, much like his father. His paw almost covered my palm (I have small hands but still.) He would curl up on top of your shoes, purrrr when you rubbed him belly and he would flop over so you reach his tummy, he was a beauty too. His gray stripes were thicker than most tabbies - very prominent. Teddy will be missed terribly.

But on the good side of things, I got a new position - interface engineer. A challenging job, but I am ready for. I am so glad to be getting out of my previous position. It was so demanding - the software was unstable and I didn't have a life. It was crashing all the time, slow as mudd and too many issues.

My mom and I are fighting - and as you might already know she lives with me so that makes it fun. Apparently I am too soft-hearted. Wow! In this world, too soft-hearted. I would think that was a pretty good thing. But guess once again, I'm wrong.

Now for the best news! I made it to the semi-finalists in the BlueCat competition. 75 out of 7,000. Not bad, not bad at all! I'm already spending the winnings in my head (not really, but 10,000 bucks could come in handy). But more than the money, I want to know that the one thing in this life I have felt like I was good at is within my reach. I hear about people being natural at something, I have been writing movies on paper and in my head since I was in the second grade. I can see the movies in my head - much like sitting down to watch a movie. Sometimes the thoughts come so fast I can't keep track of them. I love it! It's what I live for. Just hope this is enough to get my career ball rolling.

Here's to dreams - even if they dont' come true, we can certainly strive to reach them.

Life comes at you fast...

A lot has happened to me in the past couple of weeks - it's been a roll-coaster; good thing I like roll-coasters. But there comes a time when you have to take a break. So taking mine for a little while. A cuuuutie pie flirted with me yesterday and today and a sporting event I was attending that he was playing in, but he is 10 years younger than me - or about that. Felt pretty darn good though, so yeah I'll take it.

I'm trying to get involved in more walks - like the heart walk. Why is it so dang hard to excersize? We know it's good for us, it makes us feel better and helps us lose weight. So what's the problem? You got me. I was looking around on the field today at the healthy girls, and I wanted to be more like them. I have the desire, just need a little more will.

Still trying to be a better me, a stronger me, a more improved me.

Got to keep trucking

Yesterday was the last day I was going to be an adoptive mother. The birth mother decided the amount of monthly expenses I was able to afford wasn't enough. I have gone through denial, anger, bargainning, the whole gammit - twice. My heart - broken. But I will keep on trying. This life will be filled with a child. I only have four weeks left of school and that will be behind me, so I can move on to the next event - HAVING A BABY.....or two!!!!

Well, I'm out for tonight.

Careful what you say - unkind words can never be unheard.

It's been a wild, wild ride!

It's been a while since I vented, I mean blogged. But let me tell you - it has been a wild two months. I started my last semester in school ready to get out so I can start my in-vitro and have a baby already! However, life has had different plans for me. A friend found out she is pregnant and decided to give the baby up for adoption. So, I thought why not? This could be my chance to have a healthy baby. We have talked about it and I have been going to the ultra-sounds and paying the medical bills, helping her when I can. But it just got crazy - we found out it's a boy! I love blue, blue is actually my favorite color - but I always pictured myself as having a girl for Pete's sake! What is a single mother expecting girls gonna do with a son? I try to be althetic but I was usually one of the last one's picked to be on the team in PE, I was more into cheerleading and dancing - and yes they are althetic, but just because you can do a perfect pike or tap til your feet almost fall off does not mean you can hit a homerun. Oh dear - what am I to do? I went into Target today and was looking around at all the little boys with their families - they were mostly clinging to their fathers - don't have one of those to offer this little tyke either. I have male friends but they have their own families. I'm just scared, just venting. I know in my heart of hearts I will love him like nobody's business, but ya'll I didn't have any brothers, nephews, one male cousin that I was around maybe ten times total in my life - and an absent father. I need to join a class on how to teach a boy about being a man (a good one - none of this disrespecting women crap). And to top it off, my mom, who is supposed to be my support team doesn't want to see the ultrashound pictures, she says she's afraid to get too attached and this adoption not pan out. So I guess I really am in this alone. Got to pull out the strong suit from my closest and put it on. Truly, how much does a woman have to go through to have a child? One that is wanted and loved? I feel completely alone - especially when I look around and all I see are mothers and children or pregnant women - arhg! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!!!!

Sigh - man that felt great! Now I have to get back to my homework....

Tonite's assignment: look at your son or daughter and tell them you love them, don't just say it passing. Make them understand you mean it, they aren't just words you say, they are emotions and actions. And know that somewhere in this world someone loves you too. you might not feel it, but they do.