Now we can being working for ourselves.....sort of

As i figure - just a guesstimate - up until today I have worked to pay Uncle Sam and today I begin to work to put money in my pocketbook - and on the bank note and so I can have electricity, you get the picture. Oh to be able to only have to pay 10% taxes - would that not just be a wonderful thing or what? Holy tax day batman, we might be able to breathe a little easier. And to top things off, took my trusty little ride in for some maintanence yesterday and yep you guessed it, my tax return will just cover the repairs needed. Isn't that just a kick in the ole watubee. Just keep moving forward, nothing can be done to correct it. Things happen, things break and money disappears as fast as we make it. With that being said, I'm not in the poor house and don't mean to sound down on my luck; just seems when I get ahead something is always there to burst the proverbial-bank bubble. And I do live comfortably. My house is nice, in a nice neighborhood - one that has been around for about 40 years, so yeah it needs some work, but definately not complaining. And I have a pool - so yeah if I need a vacation I get out the blue i-pod, grab a beach towel and a floppy hat - take ten steps into my backyard - a little piece of Heaven. I am able to give to charities, which is a win-win situation. I have cable and monthly blockbuster mail-delivery - yeah I feel blessed.

Stupid oatmeal cookies....oh my tummy ache

I miss my Grandmother this week terribly. Last night I cooked some chocolate oatmeal cookies and maybe that stirred these emotions. That woman could cook! Pretty sure Sarah Lee and Betty Crocker learned everything they knew from her. At Christmas she would practically lock herself in the kitchen and make every type of pie and cake you could think of - seriously. One Christmas my sister and I counted 13 pies and I forget how many cakes; besides the only one I cared about was her Italian Cream Cake. Yes, it was painful. I would wear my sweat pants to Christmas dinner - I knew that cake would be there and I knew there was no way I would walk away without eating at least three pieces. After Grandmama's Christmas dinner our family did not go outside and play football like you see in the movies - oh heck no. The only tackling we did was to move everyone out of your way so you could get the comfie couch first. Nap time was the right time. It was quite entertaining to see everyone waddling as fast as they could towards the couches and chairs. Those were the days though - I was dancing and a cheerleader so those dinners didn't set me back for long. But now - oh man I think I just gain three pounds just thinking about that cake.

Sometimes I wish I had paid more attention when she was cooking, I was just so mesmorized - it was hard to think about what she was doing, I was just watching her "paint her masterpiece." She wasn't a dainty woman by any stretch of the imagination - she was kind of a tomboy. Use to hunt and skin whatever she killed for dinner. Didn't bother her nary-a-bit as she would say. Of course she came from a HUGE family and they needed that food to survivie. Her first date with my grandfather was squirrel hunting.

I love you and miss you Grandmama...thank you for being in my life and giving me such wonderful memories.

If she were here right now, I would hold hand and ask her about her childhood. We never think they will leave and when they do, they leave a place in our hearts that will never quite be the same.

Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays...

Yeah, that'd be me. Heh. But it is pay week; taking pleasure in small miracles. There was a wonderful thunderstorm here this weekend. Poor Bella came and laid in bed with me, the entire thing shook as if we were in some cheap motel feeding the bed quarters one after another. Bless her tiny Yorkie heart, thunderstorms are just not her thing. Okay, so he still hasn't written and by-Golly I'm still breathing. Another small miracle. In light of this, I have thrown myself into my job; low and below lots of stuff I have been putting off is getting done. Amazing what a "broken-heart/hurt ego" is capable of. My gigantuous stack of C-R-A-P is now just a small pile. Listening to Marky-Mark good vibrations (one of my feel good songs, and how in the heck can you be sad when you think of his abs - oh my). Yes, this day is slowly getting better by the minute. Time will heal most wounds. And the wounds it doesn't heal, get easier to handle. I like to call it "the other side." A mountain in the distance seems so incrediably far away and tall, almost impossible to conquer. And when we do reach it; we sweat, we cry, might have to crawl along the way and yes sometimes stop and rest, slide backwards a bit only to have to regain the same ground. But one day - one wonderful day - we will be on the other side, a few bruises and some scars. But we make it to the other side - a better person for having done so.

Tootles and have a beautiful, crazy Monday!

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

Who is this person.....

Okay, who is this person living in my body and what have they done with me? I cannot for the life of me get this guy off my mind. Not in high school anymore and this confidence thing everyone keeps talking about, yeah you can only act so much. The one thing I am confident in is that I will survive if he doesn't write back (it's been four days). The last email I sent him was four days ago and I made a joke about meeting other guys - we've known each other since high school. Maybe he has forgotten my sense of humor - maybe he never really knew my sense of humor. Anyway, every part of me wants to jump on an email and tell him I was joking, the other part says maybe what I said completely turned him off and that's that. So, dilemma! Man, I should have stayed married - married life is hard but at least to a degree you have someone there with you (there are exceptions). I despise feeling this way and wish I could turn my mind off, especially at work, and home, and the grocery store, and school, and when I'm asleep - aren't there pills for people like me? I'm making light of this, but it is truly bothering me. I don't like giving him the control and I have told myself a thousand times that I have to regain control - I have to let him be and I will move on. He is not the only fish out there - but he is the only fish I think about. Matt Damon, if you had only come into my life, and married me - we could have had ten kids my life wouldn't be crazy right now. Stupid Sarah Silveman got to him first - heh. Okay my promise today is not to email him - just for today. Tomorrow I will think about it...